Ade & Olu

As you begin to ponder on the type of husband you are hoping to find, one principle that helps would be to have a list of 3 non-negotiable qualities that you are looking for in your potential husband. Having these qualities will save you a lot of time, emotional energy, heartbreaks and aborted relationships. Having this list can be beneficial for the following reasons:

You would know right away wether to invest in a relationship or not: If one of your non-negotiable qualites is that your potential husband must be of the same or similar faith or religious background as yours, you will find that you will not spend much time or resources in pursuing relationships with men who are not open to the teachings of your particular faith background. Or for a woman who already has children, it will be a waste of time and resources to pursue a relationship with a man who is not interested in her children.

The woman becomes more confident because she assumes the stance of a person screening potential men for a relationship as opposed to being desperate for a man. Most men are attracted to confident women; they look much more beautiful because they are more attentive to their looks, they are more attractive, because they look at people in the eyes, they are able to focus on what is going on around them since they do not focus on how they are being assessed by the people around them. It is important that every woman who wants to get a husband, develop a healthy view of herself.

3 qualities is enough – It is quite important that a woman does not have more than three non-negotiables. When one has more than 3, she becomes quite picky and may loose out on potential matches. So work hard on your previous list and take the top 3 qualities. I find that most people can compromise on many things but not on everything. Here is a sample list of a ladies top 3

• He must be a growing and passionate Christian
• He must love my children
• He must be able and willing to work (should have worked if recently out of job)

When going shopping, it is usually a good idea to have a shopping list. Why is this? Because you could spend much longer in the grocery store than you originally planned. You could also get back home late, tired and maybe upset because your family mambers are upset that you have messed up thier plans only to realise that you forgot one of the ingredients you need to prepare a special meal. Needless to say – take that extra 5 mins to write a shopping list. It will still be useful even if you forget to take it along to the grocery store because the exercise of writing it has already helped to reinforce the list to your memory.

You need a shopping list for your husband – Because of my work and my interest in marriage relationships, I have had the opportunity to ask several women about what they want in a husband. And many times, I have heard them say things like – “He should be cute” followed by a giggle. Or something in the line of “I just want whoever God wants for me”. Or “I want a man who will be there for me”. Now all these statements are good but they fall short. They are like going to the grocery store and saying I want to buy good food and good thing to use at home. Almost every thing in the store are good for food and using at home.

Ladies you need to be more specific – What do you mean by cute? Tall, short, gentle… what you consider cute in one person may not be cute in another person. Yes of course we assume that you should be attracted to him. I always encourage people to simply desire a person that they are attracted to. Fixating on physical attraction may cloud your ability to discover the beauty in a man whom you may not consider “cute” or physically appealing at first contact. What do you mean by whoever God wants for you? How will you know who God wants for you? In the gospel according to John, we are told that John the Baptizer was told that the messiah is the one upon whom he sees the spirit descending. What are the qualities that you would look for in your potential husband?

Tips on drawing a husband shopping list – My intention is this post is to encourage to draw up a list of things you want in a husband. Start by writing all that comes to mind. At this point, you do not need to filter your thoughts. Whatever comes to your mind just keep on writing. I will encourage you to write at list 30 things. You can write more if you like. The more you write the better because then you will see clearly what you have be unconsciously looking for and you will be able to make any necessary adjustments.Here is an example of a list – these are actual things that women have mentioned over the years

• He should be taller than me
• He should be working or at least has worked consistently for a few years
• He should love my kids or should love Kids
• He should be willing to accept that I don’t want kinds
• Patient
• Not a drinker of alcohol
• Love parties
• be willing to try new things
• love travelling
• love God
• not too religious
• good sense of dressing and colours
• be a good cook
• be comfortable around my friends and family
• same religious affiliations
• be willing to live in Africa
• not abusive
• laugh at my jokes – good sense of humor
• make me laugh
• interested in business

Streamline your list – once you have dumped all your thoughts on paper, you have written at least 30 thing you think you want in a husband. You can now begin to arrange them in order of preference. You can start by crossing out the last 10 that you can do without and then another 2 and on an on until you are left with 10. I will encourage you to write these 10 0n another sheet of paper then grade them on a scale of 1 – 10 with 1 being the most important and 10 being the least important. This is your final list.

Top 3 non negotiable qualities – Now take a look at your list, if you have done a thorough job, you should have your top three non-negotiable qualities of your potential husband. They are usually the same for most women. I will discuss this in my next post.