Random Love Talk or ? Archives

A kiss, a hug or a clean heart?

How do you welcome your spouse home?

One day my boys got me thinking…. My best friend and darling husband came home and as usual they ran to greet him. ‘How come I don’t do this all the time’, I asked myself. I hardly ever welcome him home the way the boys do. I am usually in the middle of something when he gets home. I am a queen at running the home show and am always busy running the show… so whenever he got back, I usually don’t stop to give him huge welcome home like my little men. Dinner needs to be concluded. The boys on the other hand, super excited, drops everything to get his hug, sometimes which means getting out of bed to say welcome Daddy. Its really fun to see.

Back in the days, when my responsibilities at home were lighter, I would try to. However, even then, I was not so religious about it. After questioning myself on this very day, the first thought was “just do it, that’s what a good wife would do”, I promised myself to appreciate my dear husband with a huge kiss as he returns home at the end of each day. I noticed thereafter that some days I do and some other days I completely forget. Why? I believe its because I wasnt exposed to kisser parents. So I formed my ideals about this around what I was used to. Even though I still try to, I find myself naturally huge and kiss when we had not seen for a bit; usually at His return after a trip. When I did everyday, it appears to me like a movie. So many times, even though I am very happy to have my hubby back home, I have other ways of welcoming him with love.

The boys need time with their Dad and so I usually give them space for that. Knowing that after their bed time it will be for my sweetheart and I alone.

I however have a habit of checking my heart, just to make sure that there is nothing else standing in the way. I still wanted my motives to be clear to me. So I decided to always check my heart each time my hubby get home. And lo and behold I discovered that sometimes I was not as excited as the boys. At times mad at him for not getting home early enough, not remembering to pick up something from the store, not remembering to call the person he planned to…the list goes on. Other times I got frustrated due for a bad day and couldn’t wait for him to get back talk. Carried away with my issues sometimes, I forget to cheer him up. Thank God for those wonderful boys that God used to point to me to my heart.

God used my boys to point my attention to my heart. I asked God for help to continue to live with a light heart towards people close to me especially my best friend. And I thank God for His help daily. Neither of us are perfect. I made up my mint to daily check & clear my heart. And forgive any wrong.

Of course my human nature still continues to struggle to lead but I remind myself that I died to Christ. So whether I welcome him home with a kiss or not, I do with a clean heart. I am sincerely happy with him and excited to have him as my best friend. Whenever I find some ugly thing in my heart, I work on it. I deal with any wrong feeling as soon as I notice it, even before we get to discuss the issue. This helps me to joyfully towards my husband (whether home or not) and this has really helped our friendship. By God’s grace I am happy to say that our marriage is one in a million. Its a place where God dwells.

Today, I want to ask you ladies out there to ask God help as you determine in your heart to welcome your husband home with a lovely heart everyday. That whether you kiss him, hug him or quickly finish your chores as he walks in, you are doing so with a heart that truly respects and honors the man that God has given you as the head of your home and that you are sincerely grateful to God for this wonderful man.

Keep on enjoying Christ’s love.

Too Late To Fix?

Every day I meet with couples that are struggling in their relationship. They understood each other a while back but along the line, things happen that they stop trying to cultivate their relationships. The same love birds that could not do without each other prior to marriage get to a point that they cant even stand each other. What happened, is this really the end of this relationship? Is it too late to put in efforts to this relationship.

I know that each case is different and it might be ambiguous to say that its not too late, also considering a relationship with two people that are God fearing, you would think that God being the center of each life would help each person to see their wrong but usually this is not the case.

Hence, I really love to look at this a bit more critically. Why do people give up on their marriage?

Familiarity

The first point here is what is known as closeness. Two people get so close to each other that they stop working hard at loving each other. They take things for granted. ” He knows I love him, I don’t need to do anything special to let him know”. This is one of the biggest killers in Christian marriages.

Two new lovers will work hard at proving their love to each other before they tie the knot and they would really bring out the best in each other. He wants her happy all the times and she does the same. Lots of pleasant surprises and gifts are in such relationships at the beginning which gradually diminishes as time goes on.

If your relationship is gradually sleeping into the state of coma, I want to ask you a question. Why is this so? Life got in the way? Children? work? Extended family? sickness, fear? So many things could have been responsible. You need to figure out what came into your marriage, that might equip you to deal with the issue.

Bitterness

Another problem in relationships is the past hurts. Many people are not able to look pass and forgive the other or themselves for whatever happened in the past. They say they have forgiven themselves but they act as if they have not. And so because of the hurt that is deep down, they are not able to see present actions with clear lens.

The best way to deal with this is to thing about your spouse or look at them. What emotions do you feel on the inside? Do you feel sad, mad, angry, sick, scared, pain, weak? Take stock of what you have on the inside and surrender that to God. Let God guide you into forgiveness and dealing with the root of bitterness.

Impossibilities

In other cases, the one partner is doing something that needs to change. The one spouse complains so bad that but there is no results or changes. They seek help together but no results. Many people go into marriage with an assurance of being able to change their spouse. They might not say it like that but they have that as the foundation of their relationship. Many even give themselves the conditions that upon changing him or her we will be able to get married.

Many of this cases have been there before the marriage. An example is one that drinks casually before marriage and then becomes an addict after. Usually he didn’t plan to be this way but he has had this issue before in his past and stress of life brought him back to the state of being a drunk.

Wrong Foundation

Many relationships started with lies as the foundation. For a family to prosper, there must be full truth, whether by behavior or by what is said. When there is the case of lies, trust must be built over again. The spouse on the receiving end must help his or her spouse to be able to speak their minds. The reason people lie is fear. ” If I tell the truth, they will never love me”

The list goes on why people choose not to make any further attempt to fix their marriage. Some times this will become a temporary state of things and others more permanent in state. However, God is able to repair every broken pieces that you have. Your mess in God’s hands becomes a message that can turn many to you.

You can begin to trust in the Lord with all your life including your relationship. He will tell you what to do. Then begin to do them and trust God to transform lives including yours. First thing is that you will notice that Your heart is open to love your spouse again. As this happens, you begin to see him or her as the person you fell in love with. Or you will find this amazing love that melts your heart towards him/her.

I pray that your relationship will grow in the Lord. Keep looking out for ways to build each other up and how to help each other and not yourself.

God bless.

Just Pretend

I was in the kitchen cooking and my amazing boys were running around pretending to be super heroes. My 5 yrs old leading and my 2 yr old doing every single thing his brother does or says.

They were both pretending to be the famous Buzz Light Year from the Toy Story Series. They passed by every now and then reciting Buzz’s favorite phrase; “Buzz Light Year, to the rescue!” Every now and then they got my attention and all I needed to do was to simply smile or acknowledge them somehow.

Then my 5yr old dashed into the kitchen and said the phrase again but this time he added, ‘is there any emergency?’ I was still trying to decide what to say when he added: ‘Just pretend’ then I knew I just needed to play along.

I quickly made up an emergency situation: “my cat is stuck on the tree”. Oh that no problem, He said, climbing the imaginary tree, my little Hero rescued the cat, gave her back to me and saved the day. And of course the 3 of us had a celebratory shout. And they dashed back into the hallway for more emergency situations.

After they left I could not get the phrase”just pretend” off my mind. And then I know I needed to write this article.

We all learn to pretend from very early ages and we get abundant opportunities to do it hence, we do it so well. In fact, millions of people make fortunes pretending. The film industry is a multimillion dollar industry today because we are amused by looking at someone that has mastered the act of pretending. I cannot count the number of time I have cried watching a movie. As long as the acting is good and I am able to feel the story, I cry. Sometimes when watching a good movie alone, with no distraction, I might even wail. This happened to me while watching the Courageous movie for the first time-good movie.

However, as we watch other people pretending we tend to do the same. We try to show only what we think others will find interesting and cover the rest which most times is our true self. Can you count how many times you have pretended not to be sad, angry, anxious or sick?

For instance there are things you might not fully understand about God, but you just pretend to be knowledgeable, you will get by and even others will hail you for it. So many jokes you don’t understand, but if you just pretend you do, in order not to look stupid in public.

You will save yourself a heart break if you don’t pretend to be enjoying real love from the guy you are hanging out with, pretending to others that he is crazy about you though He maltreats you. Don’t stay in a relationship to impress others. Are you impressed?

Don’t pretend to care about nature just to get her to love you. Be yourself and you will be glad that if she falls in love with the ‘boring you’ she will never fall out of love later on. Pretending requires more of your time and energy. You need some to plan what to do and then another to do. But if you are real, you simply need to naturally be. Don’t waste your life thinking about. Don’t alter your personality to suit another person.

You will be surprised that the people you are trying to please are not so concerned about you but themselves. So why waste your God given personality and become another? You can be real and you can be you.

Before each action, especially when dealing with people, ask yourself this question: Why am I doing this? And then try to find the answer. You might not find it easy at first but it will change over time. After many attempts it will become part of your subconscious to not do things just to get other people to acknowledge you.

Don’t pretend, be sincere. Be real with your spouse, children, friends and family….Be real with yourself.

Questions To Ask Each Other Before Marriage

Its midnight here now and I cant put these thought off my mind. This would help anyone in a premarital relationship.

Now that you found someone you like, you have the butterfly thing going, now what? People say its good to get to know each other before you start planning a wedding but how?

The following questions would guide your conversations. This is not meant to be done all-at-once and definitely not like an interview. But if you know the answer to most of these question you can say that you know the person to a large extent.

Your personal faith

Do you believe in God?
What kind of relationship do you have with God
Would you want me to help you understand God better? How?
What do you think God’s plan for your life is and how would I come in?
Are you committed to any religious organisation

Your background

How present was your boilogical father while you were growin up?
What kind of relationship did/ do you have with your bilogical Mom
Are there other persons (man/woman) that play these crucial roles in your life
How many siblings do you have, where are they and what do they do.
Do you have any important extended family member that is very important to you, why?
How did you grow up, did you have sleep overs, vacations, home school, field trips, camps…
Was God a part of your family while your were growing up

Education

What was your favourite high school subject and why
Are you done with formal education or not
What other educational process would you want to take on.

Career

Is the job you have now your desired job
if you had all the money you need to pay your bills for the next 3 yrs what would you be doing?
Are you a career oriented person
Do you think you will work till age 65
What brings meaning to your life?
How do you find the people you work with

Sexual

What do you know about sex
Would you love abstinence before marriage
How do you think we can achieve that
Have you ever hurt someone’s feelings emotionally
Did you settle the issue with them
Do you have children from past relationships, how often do you see your child

Financial

Do you have any major debt
How much do you make annually
Do you give to any charitable organization
What’s your ideal income level? Huge and enough to live a normal life

Some Final Extra Questions

How long do you think you will stay longer in the city you live in
Do you like travelling
Would you love to go on a mission trip, where

I will love to stop here to rest my eyes for the day. I will try to add to the list later.

5 reasons why sex before marriage is dangerous

This question came up again recently. Here are some thoughts I presented a fews years back. I believe that the points presented in this blog are are still relevant.

Many people have asked me why sex before marriage is such a big problem? They say something like this: “If two people love each other, why should they wait until they are married before having sex?”. The question looks reasonable at first, however when you think about it, you realize that what is happening to us today, is that people are generally not willing to pay for what they want. People want to be rich without working, they want to be famous without hard work, they want to get everything free. However, the truth is that Nothing is Free. The fact that you did not pay for it does not mean that it was not paid for. You may get it free, but someone paid the price. Now what I think people are asking is this. Why do I have to be committed to a relationship before I get all the benefits of commitment? When you look at it like that, you see why sex before marriage is dangerous. It’s like selling your house with the hope that you will sign the contracts at a later date. Here are 5 reasons why this is a dangerous idea. I believe that everything that God calls a sin is called a sin because it is destructive to us and to the general well-being of the created universe. So in this article I am presenting the reasons why sex before marriage is dangerous and hence sinful.

It is not the will of God for us: There is no explicit statement in the Bible that you must not have sex before you get married. However there are several scriptures that draw our attention to the fact that it is not the will of God. Read Exodus 22:16 -17; Deut 22:13 – 21; 1 Cor. 6:16-18; 1Cor. 7:1-2, 8-9;Heb 13:4; 1 Tim 5:2. The ideal that God has in mind for us is to be virgins before we get married. In fact when you read the Bible, you will get a sense that sexual intercourse is like the seal or the final stage in the process of getting married. So to have sex with someone that you are not married to is going outside the will of God for your life. It is sexual immorality and it is a sin.
It can easily become the reason for your relationship: Sex, was not created to be worshiped. It is not the goal of any relationship. The relationship itself is far more important than the sex. God’s glory is supposed to be the reason and foundation of any relationship. However, when 2 people meet and all they can think about is when they can get into bed, there is a problem with that relationship. You will notice that, everything is such a relationship will be designed to make eventually lead up to sex. This kind of relationship is what I call an inverted relationship doomed for failure. When you are in this relationship you say what you need to say, and do what you need to do so that you can progress along the path towards sexual intimacy. Eventually, issues that need to be addressed are not addressed and the relationship breaks down.
It leads to Adultery or sexual infidelity: Sex is supposed to be the most intimate activity that any two individuals can engage in. It is supposed to be reserved for that one person with whom one intends to spend the rest of their lives. The rebellious nature of humanity and the constant desire of the forces of darkness to frustrate us and cause us pain has deceived us to make this sacred activity into a frivolous activity. When sex is taken for granted like this, you discover that even when people are committed to one another, they go ahead to cheat on their spouses. Many homes are broken and children are suffering because of unfaithful husbands and wives. Many relationships end as soon as the couple have sex for a couple times, because one of them is bored and wants to try other people. This is such a sad situation. It is sad because many of the young people today were brought up in home where sexual immorality has destroyed the homes and they are prone to making the same mistakes.
It delays the benefits of total surrender and commitment to one’s spouse: When a couple has been sexually active during their relationship before getting married, they are usually not so keen on getting married. They keep postponing and procrastinating, because they are not able to think clearly anymore, or they have begun to see things that they don’t like but are afraid to be honest with each other. Nobody wants to be called a player. Or blamed for leaving a relationship soon after sex entered into the picture. So the spouse that is open to more commitment suffers for a while hoping that the relationship will work, while the one who wants to leave the relationship enjoys free sex and even gets paid to have free sex, because the partner that want the relationship to work will be working hard to impress the other partner. Why not just do things the right way. Make sure that both parties are committed, spend time together, meet with friends and if things are still going very well for at least one year of serious commitment, then go ahead get married and seal it with sex on the wedding night. As I wrote earlier, sex is simply a very intimate way of communicating. You need to have something to say before you communicate. Sex says – “I love you with all my heart, I am happy I am one with you, let me be in you and you in me forever”. Now I think this kind of communication is only appropriate between a husband and a wife.
It reduces the level of trust between the couple: It is a blessing for a couple to discover that both of them are virgins on their wedding night. It was the norm a couples of centuries back, but now it a such a rare thing. I wish we can have more of this, because I believe it would be a blessing to this world if people learn to follow the will of God for their lives in this regard and in all regards. When you know that your spouse was a virgin until marriage and that you were unable to convince each other to try it out before the wedding, it helps both of you to trust each other. I do not intend to say that people who are virgin on their wedding day do not cheat on their spouses, I am simply saying that it boosts your trust in each other as opposed to having sex before the marriage.

There are many other points that can be derived from these initial points, and I encourage you to think about them. If you have been involved in pre-marital sex, are you still with the man you had sex with? If you have chosen to live your life to glorify God, why not go all the way and enjoy the blessings that God has prepared for you within a Christian Marriage. No one can force you to wait until your wedding day. And so also no one can give you the joy and blessings that are lost when you choose to follow your own ideas rather than God’s Ideal. Even if you are not a virgin, you can still enjoy the blessings of God. Our God is merciful, he forgives because of the blood of Jesus. Simply ask for God’s forgiveness and choose not to continue in your folly. You will soon start to enjoy the respect and love that you deserve as a child of God. I have never met anyone that said that the regretted waiting until marriage to have sex. There are many people who wish they have waited because they have been with so many people and have been sexually active only for the relationship to break.

It may not be easy but God can help you: I have heard many men say that there are no virgins above the age of 18yrs. That is not true; there are very many people who are virgins (never had sexual intercourse) and many who are not virgins but since they received forgiveness of sins through Christ Jesus, they have remained sexually inactive (virgins in Christ). It is not by self effort that you will do it especially if you have been sexually active before now, it is simply by trusting in the grace and power of God to do it in you. Do not be worried, just believe in God. I will love to answer your questions, please let us know them or simply leave us a comment.

Say No To Dating! Yes to friendship and courtship

Should a christian be dating? First let us define dating! Basically there are many different schools of thought on the meaning of dating. Formally it means to go out socially. A date is supposed to be a social outing that helps two people get to know each other better, it is meant to be a social outing where two people can get to talk and find out some basic information about each other. Over the years it has gradually become more and more difficult to define because over time, people going out for these social outings have used it as opportunities to express sexual attraction and in many cases, the first date ends in a kiss, “making-out”, and many times different levels of sexual exposures. I believe as the lines of definition of what a date meant became blured over the years, more and more people have become confused about dating and now it does more harm than good.

My Definition of Dating

A man and woman are said to be dating when they call themselves boyfriend and girlfriend; or when they act like a couple although they do not officially call themselves a couple; when they spend more than 50% of their free time together doing things together (not in a group) without a clear definition of their relationship. It is this definition of dating that I want everyone to say no to. Any type of social outing in which a kiss is expected to be given at the end is not what Christian Marriage is about. I would advice anyone who is interested in finding a spouse in the Kingdom of God to run from such an idea.

5 reasons why you should consider saying no to dating

1) Dating blinds your eyes to other potential partners while you are dating – Since the two individuals begin to act as a couple from the first date, they inadvertently shut the door to the possibilities of meeting other potential partners. I would suggest that singles should be more involved in quality friendships and only move the relationship to the next level when at least one of them is convinced that they are willing take this to marriage.

2) Dating clouds your ability to hear the voice of God (or your inner witness) – As Chrisitians we believe that God speaks to us and guides us in our daily living. Once you begin a relationship by becoming emotionally attached and physically involved, it becomes quite difficult to be open to whatever God will say with regards to the one you are attached to. We would tend to try to get God to approve of our choice rather than letting God guide our choice.

3) It may lead easily to sex before marriage – Once you begin to see a person as that special one, and you start being physically and emotionally attached the pressure to show a little more affection increases. If you are not yet interested in marriage and you are being pressured to show affection, you will soon move from holding hands to things that you never planned to do. There are people who say, we did not have a kiss on the first date and we will keep it like that until we decide what next we are doing, only to find themselves making out and even having sex and destroying a relationship that may have blossomed gradually into a beautiful friendship or marriage.

4) It leads to more heartbreaks – By the time an average boy or girl is married he or she has been heart broken a good number of times. Though we may think that these heartbreaks are not so bad, they do influence the way we think and how we approach love. A person who has broken up with someone about 5 – 10 times will tend to think that everyone is selfish or self centered and that he should protect himself. On the other hand, if a boy chooses not to date but have quality friends, he would simply not take the relationship to the next level and avoid the heartbreak and the subsequent negative outlook on love and relationships in general.

5) It makes the marriage weak – Since the two decided to marry each other based on the fact that they had spent a long time together and they felt like they knew each other, they find it really difficult to work on the marriage when either they find another person who they are attracted to or they are just going through some difficulties in their marriage. On the other hand, if you take the time to make friends, you get to know how different people are and you are able to make a choice based on inner conviction and wisdom rather than an emotional rush which quickly fades away when one person fails or there is a very difficult situation like sickness.

My Recommendations

1) Make more friends of the opposite gender, be genuinely interested in people; I find that everyone is blessed with one gift or the other. Don’t group people into “marryabbe” or “not-marryable”. Just be a blessing to anyone that is open to being blessed. If they become rude and continue to ask for a date when you know (from inner conviction) that you are not interested in pursuing that route, be firm and reduce your communication to pass across the message but continue to be kindly disposed to them in your heart. God has a way of taking care of those who abandon their own interest to take care of others. That being said, you should still take care of yourself, develop your walk with God, your career and let God find you a spouse that will suit His plans for you.

2) Learn to love who you are and be honest about who you are – Try not to be tempted to try to impress people by changing facts about yourself to conform to what you think or they say they want. It is better to loose the friendship now than much later when they find out who you truly are. There are many people out there who are looking for someone just like you.

3) When you find someone you are attracted to, try to become their friends – you want to be sure that they are who they truly appear to be before you let your emotions run.

4) Only go exclusive with a person when you are mostly convinced that you would want it to go towards marriage. Pray much and consider getting counsel from people who know you and you trust before even letting your emotions go all the way.

Conclusions – Although these suggestions may look dated and difficult to follow, I would like to encourage you that you will save yourself a good deal of pain by following these Biblical principles.

Ask Jesus into your Marriage – A wedding sermon

On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. Now both Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding. ³And when they ran out of wine, the mother of Jesus said to Him, “They have no wine.”Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does your concern have to do with Me? My hour has not yet come.”His mother said to the servants, “Whatever He says to you, do it.”Now there were set there six waterpots of stone, according to the manner of purification of the Jews, containing twenty or thirty gallons apiece. Jesus said to them, “Fill the waterpots with water.”And they filled them up to the brim. And He said to them, “Draw some out now, and take it to the master of the feast.” And they took it. When the master of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and did not know where it came from (but the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom. And he said to him, “Every man at the beginning sets out the good wine, and when the guests have well drunk, then the inferior. You have kept the good wine until now!” (John 2: 1-10)

The story about this wedding in Cana is always a blessing to me. I always wonder what would have hapened if the couple had decided to leave Jesus and his disciples out of their guest list. What would they have done when they ran out of wine? You know running out of wine at the wedding could also be symbolic of running out of wine in the marriage itself. Anyone who has been married knows that wine can run out of any marriage – you suddenly discover that you really do not want him to come near you right now, the laughter seems to have dissappeared, no more dates, flowers are no where to be found, the joy seemed to have just run out… just like wine at the wedding, although we realise that wine has run out suddenly, it really does not happen suddenly. The wine runs out gradually because it is not being replaced, it happens because we have assumed that we have enough – that there is no need to worry about replacement. The message today however is that regardless of how it happend, this couple had been wise enough or fortunate enough to invite Jesus to their wedding. I encourage you today to invite Jesus into your marriage.

Inviting Jesus is not enough

If you have invited Jesus into your marriage, I salute your wisdom; however I must remind you that inviting Jesus is not enough. You must go to the next level. Whenever there is a problem you need to bring that problem to Jesus. It’s so easy to start your marriage in church and to invite Jesus at the beginning of the marriage but then when the wine runs out we attack each other rather than going to Jesus. We forget that He is able to turn water to wine. Brother and Sister, when that day comes when you dont know what to do – before you cry, before you complain remember to ask Jesus.

Asking Jesus is not enough

Many times we do go beyond inviting Jesus. Some of us actually go on to ask for help, but there is something about Jesus that scares us. His instructions are usually different. I would like to highlight 4 characteristics about the instructions that Jesus gives:

They are usually quite simple and doable – How hard can it be to put water into the waterpots? And in your relationship, how hard can it be to say the word sorry? How hard can it be to show respect to your spouse. To do the dishes this night without asking your spouse?
They may not look reasonable, fashionable or comfortable – Yes although they may be easy to do in terms of the actual action, but many times we are unwilling to do them because of the emotional issues we would have to deal with in other to carry out Christs instructions.
They usually look unconnected to the immediate issue
However they always bring miraculous results if followed. This is the reason why we must be careful to make sure that whatever He tells us to do we do it.

Today my charge to you and to all those who are here today is the charge that Mary the mother of Jesus gave to those people at the wedding. I can only imagine what would have happen if no one gave them this very crucial tip. I guess they would have ignored the instructions like many of us have done in the past. Today dear friends, listen to what Mary the mother of Jesus says. Whatever he tells you to do, do it.

If Jesus tells you to take your spouse out for dinner, please do it. If you need to be quite about a situation that you think you have to speak about, please be quite. Follow the instructions of Christ that He drops in your heart rather than what your emotional reactions wants to do. Your marriage will be strong and robust if you are able to do what Jesus tells you to do. May the blessing of the Lord multiply upon your marriage.

Disposable Era, Disposable Marriage?

When I was a little girl we had the nice black and white TV that my dad loved so much. I dont know the story behind how he got this relic but I know that he was so careful about the way we used the TV. This TV had a personal repair man, we call him Uncle Faj., a man very good at what he did. Anytime this TV had a problem, we all knew the next step- book an appointment with Uncle Faj. He will either come home to fix the TV or have us bring it into his store and before you know it, it’s working fine again. We used this TV for so long that my dad was not going to change it for the new color TVs, this one is better he will say, until it became more cost efficient to buy a new one.

Why did I tell you this story? Because I wanted to compare it with the culture we have today predominantly in the western world. Its costs so much to repair any gadget so we are left with little choice when it comes to repairing anything.When your microwave is broken, what do you do? Pay $100 to fix it or pay $100 to buy a new one. While a few older people will prefer to fix the old one, many of us will buy a new one. Why fix it if I can get a newer model with more capabilities for almost the same price?

The irony of this is that we hardly find repair shops around. No one is attracted to the maintenance and repair related careers. Everyone wants to build something new; everyone wants to be a star.

This might sound like its not a big deal, but it affects our generation more than we know. The same way our gadgets have become disposable, the same way our relationships have become disposable. Whenever there is a misunderstanding in a relationship, the first thought today day is “may be we are not even compatible”. The moment someone says something about their own relationship that you don’t have in yours, you think “my partner is not one of the best around and doesn’t appreciate me, if not why is he not doing so and so for me like it is in every other relationship”. Or when someone says something about your relationship that you don’t like, its like a confirmation in your mind that this is not right and you begin to think of new people that can make you satisfied.

I am not trying to say that its wrong to evaluate your relationship. My question is are you evaluating to confirm your conclusion that your partner is not good or are you evaluating to see ways to maintain and improve your relationship. For a car to work well and last long, it needs to visit the garage for a regular oil change and sometimes get some tunes ups done. For your marriage to work well and last long, you need to add some regular oil change to your marriage routine. You need to work on your marriage with a maintenance mind set not a disposal mind set.

The idea is not to wait till there is a problem before looking at your option but from the first day of your marriage know that your oil changes are very important and schedule them. This might be:

setting a date night once a week or month depending on both your schedules.
setting a time to hang out with other couples that are doing well in order to learn from them.
attending a marrige workshop once in a while.
doing something for your partner with the mind of love not because you need a reward from them…

No one goes out with the mind of purposefully discarding their relationship however, this is what happens when everyone neglects the place of actively working on their marriage. Life has some very genuine distractions: career, children, extended family, church, friend… All these add flavour to each life and are essential but none must take you away from actively investing quality time with the man or woman you fell in love with. Like my Dad’s black and white TV, your marriage needs to have a personal maintenance mentor.

Honest Talk about Life, Love, Relationships, Marriage…

Welcome to Ade & Olu.com! Thanks for taking the time to visit. What we aim to do with this site is to share our lives with the world. We are two people who love one another very much and we believe that everyone can and should have this kind of love in their lives.

It seems that having a happy marriage or relationship is becoming more and more difficult as the years go by. We believe that one of the reasons for this is that we try to work out a healthy, loving and fulfiling relationship in isolation. When we share our lives with one another, and we build quality frienships, our significant relationships are not as strained. As a result, on this blog you will read about our personal experiences as we Pastor a Church in Canada and our daily lives as individuals in the community. You will also read about our thoughts on various issues of life with a definite focus on love. As a couple we believe that the missing link in many lives is LOVE. So this blog will be about love and how we live our daily lives in the light of LOVe – Unconditional love.

A good way to see this blog is that it will be informative, and also honest and practical. We will try to be as honest as we can without being rude. We know that there are may people who will not agree with what we will write, however our goal is to be of help to those who need help and find this blog useful. We don’t claim that we know it all, but we will try be as informative as possible.

Enjoy

Do you really want a husband?

In discussing how to find or get a husband, I think the first question to ask is, “Do you really want a husband’? Many ladies have been single for so long that they really would not want a husband. For those who are still in their twenties or even younger, they may really be thinking of a husband as a boyfriend. While all husbands are boyfriends, not all boyfriends are husbands.

So who is a husband?– A husband is a man who has decided to spend the rest of his life on earth loving his wife. It is a man who has decided that he will do all that is within his powers to see that his wife is the best woman that she can ever be. His priority in the relationship is to ensure that his wife knows God and enjoys all the blessings inherent in her unity with God through Christ Jesus. He supports her, loves her, challenges her, nurtures her, corrects her, leads her by example and is ready to make any amends when he is wrong. He does his best to provide whatever is lacking in her that he can provide and prays for her constantly so that she is always in tune with God her owner and lover. A husband is not just someone that acts as a male figure in the home. He is not just the one that has a deep voice. A husband is not just one that attracts you sexually, or one that makes you laugh. He should be all of these in addition to the definition in the previous paragraph. What does this mean to a woman? Well it means that if you want a husband you will need to forget about the independence and begin to think co-dependence. A husband would want his wife to be ready to work together as a team to build a solid and life changing relationship with God. A husband is ready to join with his wife to build God’s kingdom and as such the wife must be ready for such a level of commitment. Dear sisters, if you are looking for a movie partner, or a sex partner, or the father of your kids then, the things we will be discussing here may not apply to you. The strategies for getting a joker (one who is there to make you laugh), or a body guard (your protector) or a sex partner (someone to meet your sexual needs) are different from the strategies of getting a husband. If you try to get a husband with the wrong strategy, you will most likely attract the wrong people and keep wondering why husbands are not manifesting.Food for thought – Do you really want a husband? Then develop strategies necessary to get a husband. Stop looking for a boyfriend, a funny guy, a rich guy and look for someone who is committed to God and is interested in investing his life work in building the Kingdom of God with you. What do you want in a husband? Do the things you want in a husband tally with what a husband is? Why do you want a husband? What are the strategies necessary in getting a husband as opposed to getting a boyfriend, or any other modification of a husband? I will share some more thoughts on this next time.Please feel free to ask your questions or share your thought.