If you have made your list of 3 non-negotiable qualities that your potential husband must have, and you have decided not to fall into the vicious cycle of dating, then you must begin to learn how to be a good friend. It is not healthy to go around looking for a husband in every man that you meet. Most men are not interested in being hunted down, in fact most men enjoy the thrill of chasing a woman, wooing her and winning her love and her hand in marriage. If you are interested in finding your husband, you should leave the “husband” angle alone for now and concentrate on being a good friend.
Many entreat the favor of the nobility, And every man is a friend to one who gives gifts. (Pro 19:6 NKJ)
Now lets talk about making friends. To be a good friend you need to first meet people who can be your friends. Here is where you have to be wise. You should not choose and pick those whom you would be friendly to. I suggest that you be kind and friendly to every person that God brings across your path. See each person as a messenger of God to bless you. Believe in your heart that since God created them, no matter how much they have perverted the original product, God still loves them and God may have something for you in them. Do not misunderstand me. I am not saying that you should “date” everyone. I am saying smile at everyone that God brings across your path. Listen to them if they need you to. Assist them in anyway that you may be required to. If the friendship develops beyond the first meeting then so be it. If it doesn’t then just be grateful. To be a good friend, you must have the interest of the other person at heart. People are always attracted to those who have their best interest at heart even if the resist at first.
Where do you meet friends? There are many places a lady can meet men such as, bus rides, libraries, church meetings, special programs of other churches, school, work, grocery stores, volunteer activities, parties, while walking your dog, neighbours etc. It does not matter where you meet the person, what you must have in mind is that if God brought them across your path, you should leave a blessing with them. So when next you go to a church meeting, take the time to meet someone new (male or female) and be a blessing to them. Ask them how they are, find out how you can make their visit to church better. Look out for ways that you can be a blessing to someone on the bus. When standing in line at the store, be open for conversation. Say hi and smile to the person ahead of you or behind you. Never mind whether they are male or female. Just be a nice person looking to make someones day by being nice. Smile and treat the cashier with respect and dignity. I advise that you try going to the same grocery store as often as you can, go regularly to the same coffee shop so that you can begin to make some connections with those working there. The more you do this the more you increase your pool of potential friends. Once you start connecting with one or two more people (male) on a regular basis, your confidence will increase and you can have more friends. In many cases, your husband would most likely come from your pool of friends. Your church family is usually the best place to find a husband since you would be spending time regularly with the members and can get to know them without dating.
I find that many sisters go to church but are not involved in many of the church activities and as such they really do not make any friends at church. Others have a delusion that friends are friends and lovers are lovers. They do not know how to see a christian brother who is a friend as being a potential husband. If you really want to find a husband, I encourage you to be involved in the weekly activities at church, and consciously make friends. Take time to pray for the people that you are beginning to talk to after the service and try to find ways to bless them (I am not saying that you should pray for them to become your husband). Pray for them to grow in their walk with God and any other blessings that come to mind. As you genuinely go out of your way to be a blessing, the Lord will give you the desires of your heart. Give the gift of kindness to as many people as you can.
Action – Try to meet someone new at church this Sunday. When I say new I mean someone you may not have spoken to for more than one or two sentences. Find out their name and ask them how they enjoyed the sermon. Try to see if you can make them feel important and valuable by listen to them and being kind. And if you see them again during the week, continue the discussion from when you stopped.
In my next post I will talk more about friendship. I pray that you will find your husband soon. I would love to read your comments or questions.
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