Say No To Dating! Yes to friendship and courtship

Should a christian be dating? First let us define dating! Basically there are many different schools of thought on the meaning of dating. Formally it means to go out socially. A date is supposed to be a social outing that helps two people get to know each other better, it is meant to be a social outing where two people can get to talk and find out some basic information about each other. Over the years it has gradually become more and more difficult to define because over time, people going out for these social outings have used it as opportunities to express sexual attraction and in many cases, the first date ends in a kiss, “making-out”, and many times different levels of sexual exposures. I believe as the lines of definition of what a date meant became blured over the years, more and more people have become confused about dating and now it does more harm than good.

My Definition of Dating

A man and woman are said to be dating when they call themselves boyfriend and girlfriend; or when they act like a couple although they do not officially call themselves a couple; when they spend more than 50% of their free time together doing things together (not in a group) without a clear definition of their relationship. It is this definition of dating that I want everyone to say no to. Any type of social outing in which a kiss is expected to be given at the end is not what Christian Marriage is about. I would advice anyone who is interested in finding a spouse in the Kingdom of God to run from such an idea.

5 reasons why you should consider saying no to dating

1) Dating blinds your eyes to other potential partners while you are dating – Since the two individuals begin to act as a couple from the first date, they inadvertently shut the door to the possibilities of meeting other potential partners. I would suggest that singles should be more involved in  quality friendships and only move the relationship to the next level when at least one of them is convinced that they are willing take this to marriage.

2) Dating clouds your ability to hear the voice of God (or your inner witness) – As Chrisitians we believe that God speaks to us and guides us in our daily living. Once you begin a relationship by becoming emotionally attached and physically involved, it becomes quite difficult to be open to whatever God will say with regards to the one you are attached to. We would tend to try to get God to approve of our choice rather than letting God guide our choice.

3) It may lead easily to sex before marriage – Once you begin to see a person as that special one, and you start being physically and emotionally attached the pressure to show a little more affection increases. If you are not yet interested in marriage and you are being pressured to show affection, you will soon move from holding hands to things that you never planned to do. There are people who say, we did not have a kiss on the first date and we will keep it like that until we decide what next we are doing, only to find themselves making out and even having sex and destroying a relationship that may have blossomed gradually into a beautiful friendship or marriage.

4) It leads to more heartbreaks – By the time an average boy or girl is married he or she has been heart broken a good number of times.  Though we may think that these heartbreaks are not so bad, they do influence the way we think and how we approach love. A person who has broken up with someone about 5 – 10 times will tend to think that everyone is selfish or self centered and that he should protect himself. On the other hand, if a boy chooses not to date but have quality friends, he would simply not take the relationship to the next level and avoid the heartbreak and the subsequent negative outlook on love and relationships in general.

5) It makes the marriage weak – Since the two decided to marry each other based on the fact that they had spent a long time together and they felt like they knew each other, they find it really difficult to work on the marriage when either they find another person who they are attracted to or they are just going through some difficulties in their marriage. On the other hand, if you take the time to make friends, you get to know how different people are and you are able to make a choice based on inner conviction and wisdom rather than an emotional rush which quickly fades away when one person fails or there is a very difficult situation like sickness.

My Recommendations

1) Make more friends of the opposite gender, be genuinely interested in people; I find that everyone is blessed with one gift or the other. Don’t group people into “marryabbe” or “not-marryable”. Just be a blessing to anyone that is open to being blessed. If they become rude and continue to ask for a date when you know (from inner conviction) that you are not interested in pursuing that route, be firm and reduce your communication to pass across the message but continue to be kindly disposed to them in your heart. God has a way of taking care of those who abandon their own interest to take care of others. That being said, you should still take care of yourself, develop your walk with God, your career and let God find you a spouse that will suit His plans for you.

2) Learn to love who you are and be honest about who you are – Try not to be tempted to try to impress people by changing facts about yourself to conform to what you think or they say they want. It is better to loose the friendship now than much later when they find out who you truly are. There are many people out there who are looking for someone just like you.

3) When you find someone you are attracted to, try to become their friends – you want to be sure that they are who they truly appear to be before you let your emotions run.

4) Only go exclusive with a person when you are mostly convinced that you would want it to go towards marriage. Pray much and consider getting counsel from people who know you and you trust before even letting your emotions go all the way.

Conclusions – Although these suggestions may look dated and difficult to follow, I would like to encourage you that you will save yourself a good deal of pain by following these Biblical principles.