Celebration of Love

As a follow-up to my article about the dangers of pre-marital sex, in this article I present 5 tips that I have used and others have used to prevent pre-marital sex. However before presenting the tips I would like to give a background to that.

Not having sex outside marriage is the ideal. Most people would agree that it is wrong to have sex with another person when you are married; however the major issue is with sex before marriage. Please read my article on the dangers of pre-marital sex. The tips in this article are mainly for un-engaged couples or those who are not in any relationships. When you get engaged, it’s a different ballgame all together. I will write about that in another article.

1)  Know and understand for yourself that there is no scenario under which pre-marital sex or extra marital sex can be advantageous or acceptable. This is the most important tip in this article and it could be the only one. If you are still trying to “hold-on” based on what your pastor said, what the Bible says or does not say you may find it really hard to wait until you are married. You must examine the issue critically and come to an informed decision that it never pays to express love sexually without an appropriate commitment. You must accept the fact for yourself that marriage is not the wedding but the full commitment of your partner to a life-long relationship. Once you are able to settle this in your heart, the other tips will not only be useful, they will be reasonable. Otherwise, you may as well stop reading because the rest of the article may not make much sense to you.

2) Make your convictions clear from the start of the relationship. Many relationships today are sex based, sex motivated and sex sustained. You need to make it clear to your partner form the beginning of the relationship that you are not looking for sex. You may not need to say it directly, but I can assure you that within a couple of dates, the issue will come up (these days, its usually the 1st or 2nd date) and you must make your position known. If you are the one initiating the relationship, it may be a little (only a little) easier but then you still have to make your intentions clear. What you need to do is develop friendship, show affection in appropriate manner and postpone all other show of affection. The ideal situation will be to find someone who shares the same convictions about pre-marital sex. There are many Christian men and women out there who are willing to wait until marriage before having sex. If you only realized this half way through your already sexually involved relationship, simply discuss the issue and understand that it may not be easy for your partner, but be firm and loving show to your partner that the sex cannot continue. Be prepared for a breakup, but be sure that this breakup was inevitable anyway if that is what it comes to.

3) Center your relationship on God. If you want your relationship to last and grow deeper over the years, start it based on God and godly principles. For this to be possible, you have to have the same religious beliefs. A “born-again” Christian should only plan and aim at marrying another “born-again” Christian. Actually, I can only imagine how hard and frustrating it will be for a person who claims to have totally surrendered their life to God through Jesus Christ, to be married to someone who doesn’t care about this same God. This point is usually very obvious to the one who has committed their lives to God for a Life-long relationship and so I will not elaborate more on this at this point.

4) Don’t start anything that you can’t finish. Don’t start kissing if you know you won’t have sex. Don’t start having internet or phone sex when you know you can’t finish it. Let the relationship be about knowing each other better. Spend time together talking about each other, playing games, reading the Bible, praying, attending conferences and other things. In your marriage you will spend more time doing regular everyday things and it is more important to know how your partner is in everyday life than to know how he or she is in bed. Dedicate most of the first few months of your relationship to discovering the habits, likes and dislikes of your partner. Don’t just assume you know because they said so. Most people do not even notice their own mannerisms.

5) Don’t tempt yourself. This point is the flip side of the previous point. Your partner may be stronger than you and they may want to do a few things that you find too tempting, so I advice you not to do anything to increase the temptation. Meet in open places and always make sure that you are not in a room alone without a possibility of someone walking in. If you are living alone, its not a great idea to have sleep-overs or late night visits. Things are a lot easier once the boundaries have been drawn and you both know that at this point you are only trying to get to know each other.

I hear many people saying that they are looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend, however I hardly hear people saying that they are looking for a wife or husband. I wonder why. It maybe that, they think that you have to have a boyfriend or girlfriend before they become a wife or husband. If that is the case, then it is understandable, because technically they are actually looking for a spouse. But if they are simply looking for a girlfriend or boyfriend, then I think they are exposing themselves to the danger I call the “danger chasing shadows”.

I believe that what everyone is secretly or openly craving for is intimacy. We seem to all want to find someone with whom we can be real. Someone who would not judge us, someone who will laugh at our jokes and even when they are not funny, laugh at the fact that our jokes are not funny. We all crave for someone before whom we can make mistakes and not be ashamed. Someone who will be faithful to us and to whom we can be faithful. We all crave to have someone whom we can help, in whose life we can be of value, to whose life we can make a contribution. We want someone with whom we never need to compete, whose success is our success and whose failure is ours as well. Someone with whom we can cry and laugh. We all long to be loved and to love. I believe that we can find this kind of love and not only that, we can enjoy this kind of love.

I have met so many people recently who have said that they do not believe in marriage. However I am yet to find someone who would say they do not believe in love. Maybe there are a few out there, but personally I have never met anyone like that. In the original definition of marriage, it is simply the union of a man and woman with the aim of sharing the type of love I described above. The marriage is the union not the celebration of it. In discussing with people (funny enough the majority are women), who say they do not believe in marriage, I found that what they are revolting or reacting against is not marriage but wedding. They seem to be saying that, they do not want to go through the ceremony or get the marriage certificate. But really what I hear them saying is that, marriage is no longer what is is supposed to be. It has become a prison, a place of hurt and punishment. To them it looks like a dark place. From what they have seen, experienced from parents and friends and read in the press; it is better not to go near it at all. So my conclusion therefore is that, people are not against marriage, they are against what marriage has become - a celebration that leads to pain, hurt, shame and many fearful stuff.

It is my pleasure to share with all my readers that a good marriage is a gift from God and EVERYONE can have a good marriage. I know most people would think that I am a little too bold in saying EVERYONE can have a good marriage. Well, that is what I believe and it is what the Bible teaches and if you examine the facts, you may come to a similar conclusion.

POITION YOURSELF FOR THE GIFT
The first principle that I want you to consider is that, a good marriage is a gift from God. Now no one can work for a gift, otherwise it is no more a gift. However, one can position themselves to receive a gift. It is still a gift, because what you did (position yourself) is nothing compared to what you get - the gift. Now the reason I believe many believers are not getting the gift of a good spouse is because, they position themselves like non-believers. As a believer, you must learn to position yourself to receive from God. The reason why you are called a believer is because you are assumed to believe in God. In other words, you cannot get a good spouse if you do not believe that you can get one. God can and is interested in giving you a good spouse. The problem with most people is that they do not believe that there are good spouses out there for them. I have always thought that the major reason for this is because they have been over exposed to failures in relationships. Nevertheless, you must believe that you can get a good spouse. This is the place to start from. Unless you believe this, you can’t go any further. If you believe that you can get a good spouse, then please read on and you will surely get a good spouse.

ASK GOD FOR A SPOUSE
The next principle I want you to consider is that you can ask for a gift. If God is interested in giving you a good spouse and you believe that you are a Christian (by that I mean a person who has decided to live their entire life for the glory of God), then go ahead and ask your father, your Lord and your God for a good spouse.. I think for those who have committed their lives to God fully (those who love the Lord with all their hearts), it is more important to God that you have a good spouse that even you desire it for yourself. If God loves us so much, God can only desire the very best life for us. If we are living to bring glory to God, God can only desire that we do it as best as we can, so God will be committed to giving us the best help that we need. Therefore God is interested in giving us or leading us to a good spouse. Have you asked for a good spouse? Or are you still chasing shadows? Stop being fixated on one man or woman. Ask God for a good spouse and God will give you the best spouse you can ever have.

LEARN TO TRUST GOD
The next principle I would like you to consider is trusting the Lord after asking. When you ask for a gift from someone who you know has the gift. All you have to do is wait as soon as you know that the person is willing to give the gift to you. I find many of my brothers and sisters in the Lord, asking God for a spouse and still remain worried. That simply shows that you do not believe that God is willing or able to give you a good spouse. In other to overcome this lack of trust, you need to spend time studying God (in the Bible) and in prayers (including worship). The more intimate you get with God, the more you will trust Him and the more your faith increases. There is no magic or prayers that can be done to automatically increase your faith. You have to spend time knowing God so that you can trust Him. In my personal experience, I found that it was while doing this third principle that I located my wife. I did not know that she was my wife at that time but it was while developing my intimacy with God that Olu came into my life and our friendship matured into marriage. I give all glory and thanks to the Lord for that.

BE A GOOD SPOUSE
Another Principle that we must consider is the principle of being a good spouse yourself. Since God will not give His beloved daughter or son to a person who will traumatize him or her, you must be committed to becoming a good spouse before you can ever get a good spouse from God. This principle is very related to the previous principle but it is not the same. However, it should naturally flow from the previous principle. As you begin to develop an intimacy with God, you will discover that God will be showing you all the mess in your life. You will see how selfish, proud, insensitive, foolish and weak you really are. You will notice all these so clearly, because you will be comparing yourself with God’s standard not other humans. As soon as this begins to happen, be committed to changing and becoming more like Christ. It is as you allow the Lord to change you, that you become more and more like Christ. As you are being transformed, you will become more attractive to people who love God and you will be attracted to such people as well.

LEARN TO LOVE PEOPLE
The final principle to be considered is that of loving people unconditionally. Marriage is about unconditional love. This kind of love is more than a feeling. It may start with or without a strong emotional attraction, but the bottom line is that, what the other person does or did in the past does not take anything away from the love. The way a person behaves to you, may determine the way you respond to them, but it does not have to determine whether you want what is best for them or not. So I encourage you to start learning to love people just because they are God’s wonderful creatures. Look at the people that God has put in your life, find someone who is already positive towards you (this is important because you don’t want to fail at the beginning), and just CHOOSE to always love them. Decide in your heart that no matter what they do, you will always think and act in their best interest. Even in certain situations when their best interest may conflict with your best interest, decide that in such situations you will think and act in the best interest of the general community. You would do what you would want them to do if they were in your shoes. In all these, always ask the Lord for help. Whenever you catch yourself acting selfishly, repent and keep going.

CONCLUSION
There are many more principles involved in getting a god spouse, the few I have outlined above will get you started and you can pick up more by yourself as you go along. If you believe that you can be a good spouse and you can get a good spouse, then its just a matter of time, you will be celebrating God’s gift in your life like I am and many others.

It is no more news to say that one out of every two marriages would end in divorce, but every time I hear it, I still feel that stab of pain in my heart. I wonder how we got here. How did we get from having stable homes, loving places for children to grow and develop to an epidemic of divorce?

 This website is dedicated to true and uncoditional love. Our aim is to prevent a divorce before it is concieved. It is our goal that for everyone that becomes a part of our celebration of love, divorce will never be an option. Rather they would have the tools to choose the best partners, work out their relationships and be committed to a life time of personal development.

When God created humans, it was his pleasure to see us increase and fill the earth within loving relationships. I want to say that we can have love, we deserve to be loved and we can learn how to love.

On this site, I will share love building tips, materials, resources and personal experiences with my readers. This site is created first for the family of Christ and any other person that may find the information useful.

Let us be committed to unconditional love. Let us refuse to allow divorce come near us. Let us choose hapiness, fulfilment, joy and peace. It would take a lot of work, but if you are willing to do the work. You will be glad you did.

If you are already in a bad relaltionship. It’s never too late to make an attempt to save your relationship. Needless to say, sometimes you can’t help it. The inevitable must happen. If that is the case, then make up your mind that the next one will be better. There is hope if there is life.