When I was a little girl we had the nice black and white TV that my dad loved so much. I dont know the story behind how he got this relic but I know that he was so careful about the way we used the TV. This TV had a personal repair man, we call him Uncle Faj., a man very good at what he did. Anytime this TV had a problem, we all knew the next step- book an appointment with Uncle Faj. He will either come home to fix the TV or have us bring it into his store and before you know it, it’s working fine again. We used this TV for so long that my dad was not going to change it for the new color TVs, this one is better he will say, until it became more cost efficient to buy a new one.
Why did I tell you this story? Because I wanted to compare it with the culture we have today predominantly in the western world. Its costs so much to repair any gadget so we are left with little choice when it comes to repairing anything.When your microwave is broken, what do you do? Pay $100 to fix it or pay $100 to buy a new one. While a few older people will prefer to fix the old one, many of us will buy a new one. Why fix it if I can get a newer model with more capabilities for almost the same price?
The irony of this is that we hardly find repair shops around. No one is attracted to the maintenance and repair related careers. Everyone wants to build something new; everyone wants to be a star.
This might sound like its not a big deal, but it affects our generation more than we know. The same way our gadgets have become disposable, the same way our relationships have become disposable. Whenever there is a misunderstanding in a relationship, the first thought today day is “may be we are not even compatible”. The moment someone says something about their own relationship that you don’t have in yours, you think “my partner is not one of the best around and doesn’t appreciate me, if not why is he not doing so and so for me like it is in every other relationship”. Or when someone says something about your relationship that you don’t like, its like a confirmation in your mind that this is not right and you begin to think of new people that can make you satisfied.
I am not trying to say that its wrong to evaluate your relationship. My question is are you evaluating to confirm your conclusion that your partner is not good or are you evaluating to see ways to maintain and improve your relationship. For a car to work well and last long, it needs to visit the garage for a regular oil change and sometimes get some tunes ups done. For your marriage to work well and last long, you need to add some regular oil change to your marriage routine. You need to work on your marriage with a maintenance mind set not a disposal mind set.
The idea is not to wait till there is a problem before looking at your option but from the first day of your marriage know that your oil changes are very important and schedule them. This might be:
- setting a date night once a week or month depending on both your schedules.
- setting a time to hang out with other couples that are doing well in order to learn from them.
- attending a marrige workshop once in a while.
- doing something for your partner with the mind of love not because you need a reward from them…
No one goes out with the mind of purposefully discarding their relationship however, this is what happens when everyone neglects the place of actively working on their marriage. Life has some very genuine distractions: career, children, extended family, church, friend… All these add flavour to each life and are essential but none must take you away from actively investing quality time with the man or woman you fell in love with. Like my Dad’s black and white TV, your marriage needs to have a personal maintenance mentor.